dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would ride that face into the sunset
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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