he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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