The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As shirtless as possible
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
