I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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