My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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