he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize