She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
