You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
