i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
