guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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