I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
