Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
