i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize