just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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