whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
