Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dick very happy bro
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize