yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
