are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
this is an emotional support booty call
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
