a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
