question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
