Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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