Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
