Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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