I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
