Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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