they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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