I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
