please come you make the beer taste better
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
