every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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