you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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