please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
where are you?
Hypothermia
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
