I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
