dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
