Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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