I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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