just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize