that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
