found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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