The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
