i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
