I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
