Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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