I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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