sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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