Will you blow on my dice?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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