after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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