I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
