I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i will never coherently bang her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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