The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
