When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm passing your future prison.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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