Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
