I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, he came in my armpit
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
