If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
