He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
