Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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