Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
