New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
