is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
