They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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