GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
