Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
