Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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