i would punch a child for taco bell
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
