When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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