I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize