My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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