The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
