Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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