Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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