How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
