you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can text with my tongue
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
